About Me

Do any of these sentences sound familiar to you: I’m not enough. I hate the way I look. I can’t eat anything without gaining weight. No matter what I do it’s always wrong. I’m never going to be happy. They all sound familiar to me because those were the sentences that were going around in a vicious circle in my head for probably about the time I graduated high school until about 2018. I was caught in this vicious wheel of stuck and that’s how I lived my life.

When I was younger I was diagnosed with ADD and (bless my parents souls) they wanted to do what was right and help me so the doctor prescribed me Adderall. And it helped! I got good grades, I was able to focus, but it also helped me develop some not-so-good habits.

 I ate whatever the heck I wanted because I wouldn’t gain weight, I wouldn’t sleep because I had an abundance of energy, and overall I just didn’t really take care of myself. Because every day I woke up and I took a pill and I functioned just fine, or so I thought. 

So one day I went to the doctor, I had graduated high school. I was in college and my doctor looked at me and asked me “Are you going to be on this for the rest of your life?” And I thought to myself “Am I going to be on just the rest of my life??” I made a decision that day. I said “You know what, no, I do not want to be on this the rest of my life.” For one, I was broke college student and I couldn’t afford it. You know how much those things cost? And two in the back of my mind I was thinking “You know I’ve been on this for a really long time, I’m curious of what it’s done to me in the long term.” So I made a decision that day and I started slowly weaning myself off the medication. I was on a high dosage and then I just decreased it by 5 milligrams at a time. It took me a year and a half to do that. 

While I was weaning off my medication there were a couple of things that started to change. I started gaining weight because I was eating whatever I wanted to. I started developing a crippling anxiety. One of the side effects that I went through with Adderall was that it numbed what I was feeling, so something bad would happen and I wouldn’t process it. With decreasing the amount of milligrams I started feeling all of these emotions and I didn’t know how to process them so it came out as anxiety about the future. The biggest part of my anxiety was driving, I could not drive for more than a half hour without feeling like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I avoided the Leo Frigo Bridge like a plague. I just couldn’t drive over it without feeling like I was just going to ram my car into the side of the wall and fall to my death. I’m not even joking, that’s how bad it was. Not really logical, but sometimes that’s what anxiety does.I started having a really negative attitude and then I also started developing a really bad relationship with alcohol.

  I don’t know how I got to the conclusion, I could have just woken up one morning and made the connections and realized I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel good and this wasn’t the way I wanted to live the rest of my life. I realized that I was in this wheel of stuck and I had to transform out of it because it wasn’t serving me anymore.

 I started reading, I started doing personal development, I read all the books, I listened to podcasts, I meditated, I journaled, I educated the crap out of myself because I just didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I knew after I had evaluated where I was, I was able to paint the picture of what I wanted my life to look like and (because I knew what I wanted) I was able to start working towards it. I was able to say okay here’s what I want to do, and do this work to get this level. 

After doing all that work and enrolling in BHC (Coaching School) deciding that I want to become a health and life coach I had help from a few coaches along the way as well. And slowly I started building small changes that helped propel me to the life I really wanted, and it made the biggest difference because I started giving time to myself and not just putting me on the back burner like I had been.

 It’s hard, it’s really hard to take a step back and evaluate your life and realize what you need if you don’t know what you’re looking for. With work and a lot of trial-and-error “let’s try this, let’s try this!” I was able to slowly transform my wheel of stuck into a wheel of freedom. And those sentences and phrases in my mind transformed from negative self-hating statements to acceptance, love, and support for me from me. The sentences that are in my brain now are more along the lines of: I believe in you. You are enough. I love my body. You make a difference. You don’t need anyone else’s permission. I am happy.

 Have you thought of what your wheel of Freedom might look like?

 That’s why I became a coach, to help others transform their wheel of stuck into a wheel of freedom. You deserve to live the life that you want and it’s possible. It’s possible. If I was able to dig myself out of the deep darkness that was inside of me, I know that you can too. Thank you for listening to my story.I hope it gives you some hope, a little bit of peace, and a little bit of curiosity to see what your future could hold for you.